What is Midlife?
The term ‘midlife’ has long been synonymous with the idea that it is a time of ‘crisis’; it conjures images of overweight, bald men squeezing themselves into sports cars alongside their significantly younger girlfriend as their former spouse fails to conceal her disdain whilst harbouring resentment that she’s left doing the school run.
Research has shown that this version of middle age, whilst widely accepted, has little basis in fact. Instead, the current experience of this transitional phase is now as much the preserve of women as it is men, with both sexes undergoing a period of reflection upon their achievements to date and re-evaluation about their life’s purpose going forward.
This time of reassessment may be triggered by a number of factors, typically one or more of the following notable life events:
- Divorce, separation or other relationship changes
- Bereavement, grief and loss
- Redundancy, job change or career milestones
- Ageing or Gerascophobia (fear of age)
- Peri-Menopause, menopause or hormone changes (testosterone and/or progesterone & oestrogen)
- Physical health issues and illness
- Emotional or Mental health challenges (anxiety, depression, general malaise)
- Empty Nest Syndrome (children leaving home) or a shift in parental role
- Carer responsibilities for elderly or sick parents
- Reduction in social status, lifestyle standards or economic security
- Stress, overload or burn-out – especially for leaders and their employees.
These are all before you factor in environmental impacts, most recently punctuated by Brexit, Covid-19, political turbulence, constitutional change, war and economic crises.
What any one of these intense life situations may create are feelings of regret or guilt, frequently driven by unrealised accomplishments and unmet expectations, as well as remorse for past decisions that may negatively impact the present. It is not surprising, then, that midlife can be a time of turmoil – emotional and practical – as one grapples with confusion about identity, feelings of stagnation, discontent or hopelessness and a drop in self-confidence as you question your value or contribution. When you consider that midlife occurs across several decades – and with life-expectancy increasing, so is this period of time – it is easy to lose yourself in a spiral of despair!
There are, however, amongst the weight gain, hair loss (or gain!) and wrinkles, some definite chinks of light that emerge as you gaze wistfully at your youth disappearing into the distance. For a start, there is strength in numbers: the current generation of midlifers are the fastest-growing sector of society, so businesses, employers, the media and healthcare providers are increasingly stepping up and taking notice of this group – especially the midlife women who have frequently felt ‘invisible’ in advertising, entertainment and the workplace, despite most having a third of their life left to live post-menopausal. Longer life-spans are spawning a new focus on health, nutrition, diet and exercise amongst midlife men and women, with companies now recognising the thriving economic and social leverage that this group possesses, coupled with the desire – in Western cultures at least – to stave off old age and remain youthful in body, mind and appearance for as long as possible. Cue a growing industry of products, treatments and services geared specifically at the wellbeing of this target market.
In turn, there is also greater understanding of the pressure that midlifers are under as they reach that life cross-roads of balancing the need to simultaneously care for their children and their ageing parents, with all the demands on their time and attention that this entails – aka ‘The Sandwich Generation’. Appreciating that those in midlife need support to prioritise their own self-care needs and to articulate as well as realise the ambitions they have for the next phase of their lives – which involves them accepting the legitimacy of their wish for fulfilment in their personal and/or professional lives – is the objective of the work of The Midlife Mistress. Supporting midlifers as they seek answers about who they are at this stage of their life’s journey, helping them with expressing which path they want to take and to where, as well as finding space for some love – of themselves and others – through positive relationships with both, is all part of the aim to ensure a fulfilled and positive life where ‘success’ and what matters most is defined by each individual on their terms.
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